my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
