My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
