Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
