I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
