I hate your face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
