I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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