I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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