definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
