Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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