There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
