Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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