..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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