can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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