One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
