is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My cat gives me a boner
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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