i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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