you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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