Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
