I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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