ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it penis luge time yet?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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