So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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