Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
