im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
