Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
