The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
