Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
