Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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