I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
