Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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