She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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