i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
