I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
