Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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