Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
