the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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