apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
