he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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