K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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