I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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