Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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