Soap is not a condiment
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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