You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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