don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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