Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
