I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
