talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
