I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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