Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
