I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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