even my farts smell like vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
