Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
