im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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