you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
