just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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