Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
