i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
