shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
