Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
