I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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