Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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