ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
