Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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