So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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