We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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