Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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