my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just high enough for therapy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
