Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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