I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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