at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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