My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
