strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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