so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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