I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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