friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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