What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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