I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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